Stories the guys at I.V. fire haven't heard.

I see by the comments being sent that the guys at my Alma mater, fire department have found my blog.  I had to leave I. V. Fire about seven years ago when I moved to Grants Pass for the new job I had excepted with the city.  The poor guys at my station had to endure listening to my stories (tall tales really) over the 20 plus years I was serving with them.  They didn't seem to mind to much that I got taller and better looking each additional time I told the same story through the years.  Here is one of my adventures that they don't even know about...  

Larrieann and I were headed into Grants Pass and as customary I stopped in at the Siskiyou Market for some "Nectar of the God's", a Dr. Pepper before we headed to town.  When purchasing my elixir I could hear a car horn honking uncontrollably outside the store.  Walking out to get in my car I could see a older lady setting at the stop sign on Old Stage Road, crying, screaming for help and pounding on her car horn.  Of course, rescue "billy blaze" steps into action to see what all her excitement was about.  Walking up to her car door I ask "ma'am can I help you?"  She yells "YES, my friend is drowning in the bathtub" as her breath reeked of alcohol.  Demanding what is her address, I don't know, she slurs.  What street does she live on?  Still crying, the distraught lady points over her shoulder and states back that way.  This was before cell phones were so common, I didn't even own one myself yet.  Not knowing if the place I was headed even had a phone, I yelled to Larrieann to drive back home really quick and at least get EMS headed to the Siskiyou Market.  Once on scene I would try and get the address to them somehow. 

As we spin a brodie in the middle of Caves Hwy and head towards the panic stricken ladies urgent emergency, I make a future note to self; Never get in the passenger seat of a noticeably drunk lady you don't know. Not one of my smarter moves.  Sliding around the corner we fly up one of the pothole riddled dirt roads that leave Old Stage Rd.  Down over a steep hill in the road, around a couple sharp corners and over a big culvert much faster then a sober person would drive. Arriving at a disheveled single wide trailer house she skids to a stop and points inside.  With me thinking more clearly by now I dive out of the car door, more in an attempt to save my own skin from another ride like that, then to actually try and save anybody else. Running up the steps to the trailer house door I bang on the partially opened front door and yell inside "FIRE DEPARTMENT".  From inside a elderly voice trickles out, "help, help, I need help".  Noting the address hung by the front door I cautiously advance inside looking for a phone so I can get help to ME.
Down the hallway I creep towards her trailing voice, which leads me to the bathroom door.  "Ma'am", I ask. "Yes, I'm in here, please help me", she says as I slowly swing the bathroom door all the way open. Obviously I had seen naked people in my life by now but still my eyes were not ready to except what was sitting (not drowning) in a bathtub, with no water in it by now.  There was a petite elderly naked lady sitting in the tub, humm... how do I put this?  With the biggest set of boobs I have ever seen or could imagine seeing on a woman.  Of course, she was cold which obviously made her nipp... ...oh you know all about that part.  Still stunned by the view and being trained not to look, but wanting to look I think my God those are huge.  To this day I hope I didn't verbalize that thought as I stuttered out ahh, whaaat's wrong.  "I can't get out of the tub" she explains, as I reach for a towel, then two towels. Trained to protect modesty you know and my eyes from popping out of my head.  (and no I don't have a picture for you guys to prove my story) 
I ask her "are you hurt"?  "No" she admits, "I"m just too old to crawl out of this darn tub".  I tell her "may I use your phone real quick?"  As I call 911 in my location.  Wringing my hands and scoffing my feet I mosie back into the bathroom.  She says "if you would just give me a hand I think I could get out of here, I'm freezing to death".  Yeah, I noticed that part earlier.  Not being able to get positioned behind her because of the wall behind the tub my only option was to advance from the front...  ...ho-boy.  She... her boobs were too big for me to just hug her and lift her straight up into a standing position, so... Climbing in the tub with her I take the towels off.  Noticing she hadn't gotten any warmer by then.  Bending down I lift one (enormous) breast and throw over my shoulder, then the other one I throw over my other shoulder.  True story. I manage to lift and help her to a standing position.  Not being able to retrieve the heavy breasts I had thrown behind me I had to squat down to escape from this bosom entrapment.  Kneeling down put me all that much closer to the other female part, as I'm thinking "Oh Dear God, please don't let EMS show up now".
Getting her stepped out of the tub, her bathrobe put on her, I help her to the living room to where her drinking friend had finally landed.  I set her down on the couch and I finally have to ask... what happened?  She tells me, "normally I take a shower but today young man, being a woman, I just wanted to do what any woman would want".  "Take a soapy hot bath", just as the medics walked in the front door, whew.