Scars on the Heart

I have struggled for some time not knowing if this next story would be appropriate to write about due to it's raw graphic nature.  My mom wrote a few comments back, about people she knows who are following along with my blog. She writes, "...for some it reminds them of their own days in Emergency Service and to others it has opened there eyes to the behind the scene happenings and feelings that remain."  Please don't misjudge me, for my 30 year fire career has been spent at a very small volunteer department and now at a only slightly bigger paid department.  I have not witnessed or had to deal with the tragedy that my brothers had to endure when the towers fell in N.Y. or resolve the horror when some large aircraft smashes into the earth.  As a typical fireman's life goes I have lived a sheltered life.  Most guys in the big city fire departments, due to the large call volume they respond to have seen and been left with far deeper wounds then I carry.  I worry that I will not be able to convey the sadness and emotion to my readers that I felt that fateful night along another chunk of lonely country road, aptly named Lone Mountain Road.  Even as I sit here gathering my thoughts for the story I can feel my throat tightening, my lips pursing and moisture coming to my eyes...

...it was on a night not to different to the one we are having tonight.  A deeply dark, very foggy and near freezing night when I stepped onto the accident scene.  Seeing a mans limp body laying in the middle of the two lane road, not moving and a overturned ATV a few feet away would peak almost anyone's interest.  But what the hell is that screaming?  In my life I have never heard that kind of pain coming from any human being as my eyes scanned for the source of the blood curdling screaming coming from a short distance out in the woods.  Pointing to my comrades to address the mans injuries I went to find out what the hell was going on in the even darker forest. 

Shinning my Streamlite towards the noise and commotion at first I thought my eyes were seeing things or in this case not seeing things, as I fought through the thick underbrush creeping ever closer to the sound I was horrified to see...  I had always thought that some injuries would be so devastating to a body that the victim would just immediately die relieving them from the pain associated with such an injury, but life is not that way and sometimes death does not arrive easy.  The other thing that aids firemen when they arrive on a scene is we most often times don't know who is to blame for the carnage so we just go about helping to resolve it.  I am so thankful for not knowing all the details until later that cold night because I most likely would have crawled back through the brush an kicked the shit out of the "drunk" guy laying in the road.

...it was a horse screaming in unimaginable pain.  The drunk guy zooming up and down the road on an ATV, in the dark had spooked the horse from it's pasture and then proceeded to run into it, not seeing it in the thick fog and darkness.  The impact of the vehicle hitting the horse had torn the whole hind quarters from the animal at the hip.  I had never seen a wound so massive.  As the horse would fall an then fight to re-stand while missing it's rear leg.  All the time screaming in terror and pain.  I have dealt with hundreds of injured people and no matter how horrific their injuries are you can still console, comfort and offer them hope of recovery, plus the ambulance carries some pretty good drugs to help manage the pain, for people.  This animal needed to be put down and right now.

We couldn't find the horses owner, the Sheriff couldn't shoot it without the owners consent, the neighbors didn't want to take the responsibility of trying to shoot this animal that was thrashing through the woods and a large animal vet was an hour away.  With help I finally managed to get him lashed to a tree so he could stand on his three remaining legs easier.  He was wearing some kind of halter and I would hold onto it as he would physically lift me off the ground as I tried to comfort him.  I am no horse whisperer but he finally laid his head on my shoulder as he became so exhausted and just roared his discomfort through his nose.  I watched as the steam rose into the night air from his beautiful body and I at that moment I could feel him bond to me and my voice as he pressed harder on my shoulder with his massive head.   He knew that I was the only pain relief he was going to get that cold dark night.  Eventually someone did come and finally put him down as I snuck away behind the engine and cried.

The next time you are out enjoying a evening and maybe have had to many drinks I hope this story can wedge back into your mind possibly saving tragedy for yourself or other innocents.  Please remember too, next time your local fire department levy comes up for a vote, that these guys and gals often have to deal with the undealable.  We are often left with deep personal scars while serving in our own local community. SUPPORT THEM.  Whether they are from a paid or volunteer fire department.